“It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.” ― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations
I’m writing this blog with desperate hopes of reaching women who were (and are) just like me. College turned out to be a bit painful and very lonely. And it scares me to think how much sway it almost had on me. I almost turned into someone I didn’t want to be. Hopefully, this blog will become a life raft tossed to women adrift between summer and winter.
Journal Entry on Wednesday, March 18, 2015
It’s spring break now. I was so incredibly excited to come home on Friday. I was sick of the city – tired of walking on sidewalks and looking at trees planted by man. The farm beckoned me with acres of breathing room. I couldn’t wait to wander through the woods and along the fields and feel myself settle into home for a few days.
But the strangest, saddest thing happened. I realized this is not my home anymore. This place is my parents’ house. It’s merely a holding place for me while I’m not pursuing a career. And college isn’t home either. It’s just a borrowed bed and an interim.
I’ve concluded I’m rather homeless.
I wonder if this is how all young women feel. The time between becoming a woman and becoming a wife is a rather delicate impasse. You don’t really belong to anybody, but you don’t want to be alone, but you want your independence as well. You don’t have a title or position or destined place in this world. This can be rather liberating and exciting, but it also opens up the opportunity to fall into bad paths with bad people.
You volunteer and go to classes and join a couple of clubs to anchor you into a space. If you don’t, the wind would swell beneath you and off you’d go, adrift forever.
It’s like that Charles Dickens quote about March…you’re not really in winter…you’re not really in summer. If you close your eyes you’ll wonder, “Where am I?”
Do other people feel this way?
