College Made Me Lonely

College made me lonely. I wanna talk about it.

If you’re feeling like your “conservative” views are making you lonely, I hope what I have to say will be some comfort to you. I want to create a space where we can come together to share our ideas/beliefs that we are too afraid to share other places. Perhaps you don’t want to be excluded from social circles. Maybe you think you won’t be able to accomplish all your goals if you truly share your heart.

And because you don’t often say what you really believe, no one really knows who you are. Even if they think they do.

That is a kind of loneliness I don’t want you to deal with. I went through it severely in college and into my professional life.

I’m going to share my experiences with you because if you don’t have someone reminding you of what you know to be true, you may be pulled into values and beliefs you don’t recognize.

Okay, let me get specific.

I am a conservative Christian woman from a small town. I went to college at a liberal university in a large city. Before I decided to just shut my mouth, I lost friends, was called some not so nice things, and realized there are a lot of people out there who hate me.

Of course I always kind of knew that being a Christian can come with attacks like that, but I had never actually dealt with it before leaving home. I grew up with mostly like-minded people. I think in general that is a good kind of place to grow up, but it certainly set me up for a bit of a culture shock.

And I gotta admit, it took me awhile to pinpoint what was making me so miserable.

My eyes were opened to it on November 9, 2016. The day after the presidential election. The world woke up to news that Donald Trump was president. It was 8am. The air was crisp. My roommate was still sleeping. I pulled on my favorite sweatshirt and walked a few blocks to the grocery store. I perused the deli section, imagining the tastes of the expensive cheeses. I paused to smell the bread baking in the back. Then I made my selection, one silky bottle of Merlot.

I was celebrating. I just secured a great internship and Hillary Clinton was not going to be the next president.

As the day progressed, I realized many of my peers were in some type of…mourning. I lost my first friend that day.

He congratulated me on the internship when I sat down at Chemistry lecture. He quickly added,
“though it’s a crummy day in every other aspect”. I shrugged and said, “I mean, I voted for him.”

It was one of the few times I’ve actually seen someone do a double take.

“Donald Trump?” He asked.

“Yeah” I said.

He looked around as if to see if anyone heard the exchange. I didn’t see much of him after that.

A few hours later I got an email from my boss. She wrote that if anyone needed a safe space to cry or scream or wallow in despair, her office was open. I already knew how she leaned politically, but I thought she was being a little dramatic.

But then I learned that some of my peers took her up on it. My peers were so dismayed by the thought of one man being president that they were in despair. A man I helped put in office.

I think it was naïve of me, but this took me by surprise. After that day I started to test the waters by voicing my thoughts when an opportunity presented itself. I would say things like, “Men and woman are different and generally speaking they have different roles” or “modesty is a good thing” or “we shouldn’t spend so much time trying to love ourselves.”

Again – I was naïve – but I was not expecting the amount of pushback from my peers. I was called sexist and ignorant.

I decided to just keep my mouth shut. And I listened. Everywhere, everyone was saying things that sharply go against the values I held most dear. They spoke of people like me as if they were less –than, dumb, and evil. They didn’t even realize one of those deplorables was in their midst.

I’m writing this because one day you may find yourself on a bench, tucked away in some corner of campus, crying. You won’t know why you’re crying. Then a disheveled looking stranger on a skateboard stops and asks, “Do you wanna talk about it?”  In any other time and place you would say, “No, thank you.” But you find yourself considering it. You realize you’re so lonely that your considering telling a complete stranger that you just want to be a stay at home mom and you voted for Donald Trump and you don’t like drag shows and …. Then you realize that if you told this man those things, he may not want to listen to you anymore. Chances are good that he may even think you’re an ignorant hater.

So you stick with your original thought and say, “No, thank you.” As he walks away, you understand why you’re crying. Most everyone around you hates your guts and they don’t even know it.

That is a very lonely place to be.

I’m putting all of this out there because that was me. It might be you. I don’t want you to feel alone.

I’ll get into the details in my next posts, but for now I want you to know tha:t

1. Your desire to be a wife and mother is a good one.
2. You can’t do it all.
3. Women have a unique ability to shape society.
4. You are a created being and your Creator knows your need.

I also want you to know that I’m not here to convince anyone of anything. I’m here to comfort those who are walking a similar path. If I found you, please leave a comment. I’m still lonely and would love to meet you all. I know you’re out there…somewhere!